Archive for November, 2008

Stuff That Makes Me Hate White People #1

November 21, 2008

In this series, I will discuss my interactions with white people and the effects it has on my perception of them. As all of our faithful blog readers already know, Gary has been tackling the issue of white people and their enjoyment of a variety of things since the beginning of this blog. In this series I will attempt to write as an embedded correspondent and expose the darker side (not skin color) of white people.

Show Etiquette

As a member of the white community, it is obligatory to frequent a variety of concerts. The only problem at most of these concerts/shows is that they are usually populated by white, suburban, high school kids. Now it wasn’t so long ago that I was a member of this group, so you might be thinking “oh noes! troy has become a pretentious college student.” Fear not! I hated this group before I even came to college.

A concert, especially if it is a “rock concert” provides to suburban white high school kids a place to “rebel.” Get a couple bags of oregano and this community will make you a rich man. Why you may ask? Because it makes them feel rebellious buying what they think is an illegal drug. This rebellion unfortunately also takes the shape of just being the biggest asshole you can be to everyone around you. For example, I attended a Hives show last year where a kid, who fit the description of the “white suburban high school asshole” so well that he could’ve been their spokesman, continuously thrust his shoulder into my back. I knew it wasn’t a case of the crowd behind him pushing him into me and that he was in fact doing this on purpose. I turned around to confront the whipper snapper only to feel an arm come from behind me close in around my neck the instant I did so. I unceremoniously pushed this assailant off only to find myself surrounded by 4 or 5 other members of the “community.” I debated Mike Vallelying them, but decided I’d rather enjoy the rest of the show instead.

This example doesn’t just show the love of being rebellious but exemplifies another issue at shows: the overwhelming disrespect for other people’s space. I realize that often the venue is packed and there is little space to begin with, but that doesn’t excuse most of the behavior I’m talking about.

I went to a Girl Talk show this past weekend which exemplified almost everything I hate about suburban white shows. I went under the impression that it was being held somewhere in Boston, which is still overwhelmingly white but is comprised of college students so it’s slightly better. The show was in fact in Foxborough, a town that is only known for the Patriots football stadium, which happened to be the location of the show. As we drove up and saw where the show was being held and how many cars were in the parking lot, my wonderful friend Susan exclaimed “I feel like we’re at a Britney Spears concert.” That feeling wasn’t subdued when we walked into the venue to see a bunch of white teenage girls dancing around on stage with this opening act, supplemented by projections of “booty cleavege” behind them.

Despite this being a dance driven show, the audience still insisted on pushing each other around and fighting to get to the front. This led to one girl pushing into my aforementioned girlfriend and when she pushed back, the girl wheeled around and yelled “you fucking bitch” and looked like she was about to swing. Her BF intervened and pulled her away. I on the other hand was excited to see an intense pummeling handed out by my girlfriend.

All these bad experiences at suburban white kid shows? What is the remedy?

Find 90’s rap groups that the hipsters haven’t already gotten a hold of, find when they are coming to a venue near you, and go to it. Last year I went to an EPMD show with the (now infamous) Gary. They are an awesome group who experienced most of their success in the 90’s and still have somehow managed to avoid being swarmed upon by hipsters. The audience was primarily black and in their late 20’s/30’s. Everyone was respectful of everyone else’s space while still being energetic and dancing. It was one of the best atmospheres I’ve ever experienced, which I attribute to the fact that I was the only suburban white kid there.

tl;dr don’t go to shows that are going to be dominated by white suburban kids.



Dance Fail

November 20, 2008

Haha, this made my night!-Hollis

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Stuff White People Like Pre-Emptive Strike #3

November 17, 2008

Super Smash Bros.

When white people are in high school, there are few labels they fear more than “nerd.” It’s stigmatizing. It’s embarrassing. For some white people, it may not even be true. But most importantly, it always threatens their position in the social order. They risk losing access to a number of essential assets, including, but not limited to: dating, parties, a lunchtime seat, test answers, drug hookups, car rides, “top friend” privileges, profile picture appearences, inside jokes, and gossip.

But sometime between high school and college, something strange happens to white people. They begin to apply the ‘nerd’ label to themselves, most likely in the hope that their self-deprecating Woody Allen/George Costanza bullshit will make come across as humble, witty, and nonchalant. Don’t fall for it. If you have a white friend, and said white friend refers to him/herself as a nerd, there’s a good chance that they are not a nerd, and are using the term to tell the world that they are smarter than you. (The same applies for ‘dork.’)

Because, you see, white people who call themselves nerds usually do so out of nostalgia (I believe nostalgia was covered in the Stuff White People Like Book – I may be wrong, I only read it twice – but it should be obvious that white people cannot get enough of the good old days). They use it when discussing something from their childhood (or even prior to it) that other white people may have deemed uncool at the time. But now, most of them are in their twenties and are in such a rush to prove how “old-school” they are that the very idea of “the nerd” drowns in a sea of contrived hip.

This is where Super Smash Bros. comes in. Literally every white person you know either owned this game or still owns it. They love Super Smash Bros. for three reasons:

1) It’s on the N64 (a system whose importance in determining white coolness may soon surpass the NES). Anything older than ten years, even if they did not like it on first contact, can and will knock a white person to their knees with nostalgia. It is a well known fact that many white people wish they were born in 1940 and remained twenty years old after 1960. This is not because they value good health, but because they wish they could live through every time period and cultural movement that eventually became cool (for example, the 1960s, the 1970s, the drug explosion, and hip-hop until 1996). For a plethora of white people, the N64 was their movement.

2.) Sure, there are other great multiplayer N64 games (Mario Party, Mario Kart, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, Star Fox, etc.), but none of them does as much to capture those days when you and your friends debated whether or not Kirby could beat the shit out of Pikachu.

3.) White people love to smoke marijuana and play Super Smash Bros.

If you’re new on campus, find a group of white people who wear glasses. On most liberal arts colleges, they tend to troll around in packs. Chances are, at least a few of these people play Super Smash Brothers. If not, there is still a good chance that they smoke weed. Invite them over, and let the fun begin. However, make sure you have four controllers. White people do not like waiting for things.


November 17, 2008

Hollis sent me this and I loved it too much not to share it.


Obama and Miagi

November 15, 2008
Glad to see Obama has Miagis support!

Glad to see Obama has Miagi's support! -Hollis

Passages from How to Cook Everything

November 13, 2008

GHB is a group with many talents.  One such talent is in the field of the culinary arts.  One of our favorite foods to make is guacamole.  To find a recipe we crack open none other than Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything.


Makes 2 to 4 servings

Time: 10 minutes

Among the most delicious dips there is, and just about the simplest.  Add one-half cup peeled, cored, seeded, and diced tomato only if the tomate is perfectly ripe.

1 Large or 2 small avcocado(s)

1 Tablespoon minced onion or shallot

1/4 teaspoon minced garlic (optional)

1 teaspoon stemmed, seeded, and minced jalapeno or other fresh chile, or 1 teaspoon chili poweder, or to taste

Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

1 Tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon or line juice, or to taste

Minced cilantro leaves for garnish

1. Cut the avocado(s) in half and reserve the pit(s) if you will not beserving the guacamole right away.  Mash the pulp in a bowl with a fork or potato masher, along with the onion or shallot, garlic (if you are using it (which you should!)), chile or shili powder, a little salt and pepper, and 1 tablespoon of lemor or lime juice.  Taste and adjust seasoning as necessary.

2. Garnish and serve, or tuck the pit(s) back into the mixture, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for up to 4 hours (this will keep the guacamole from turning brown).  Remove the pit(s) before garnishing and serving.


Crazy Leap

November 13, 2008

I made this video Junior year. I should have used it as my audition video for Tisch but clearly I didn’t need it.


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A portrait of Dorian Gary

November 12, 2008

Here are some videos I made over the summer. Enjoy!


Stuff White People Like Pre-Emptive Strike #2

November 12, 2008

This is a follow-up to the first Stuff White People Like Pre-Emptive Strike. It seems they like so many things that not even their official scribe can document them all!


Similar to everything else that can be liked, white people love to dance. But they have their own special reasons for enjoying it.

Some white people dance because they enjoy it, but do not realize that they are terrible at it. These are the wrong kind of white people – you should avoid associating with them at all costs.

(NOTE: Although they are a symbol of high culture, and therefore, a prized commodity in the community, this post is not concerned with white people who are dance majors and professional dancers. They are fantastic at it, and they know it.)

We have learned over and over again that white people love to put themselves into situations where they cannot lose. For many white people, dancing is no different. With the way that popular stereotypes have fallen into place, dancing, for them, is always a win-win! If they are decent at it, they will win the respect of their friends. If they break mirrors and make babies cry, any moves they employ will be considered hilarious and ironic. (In some cases, even if a white person is good at dancing, they will present themselves as though they are not. This only heightens the irony of their skill. For example:

One of the funniest things any white person can learn to do is cripwalk. Should you find yourself DJing a party packed with cool white people, throw on a West Coast hip-hop song from 1990-1999. (To be safe, play only the most popular singles. Many West Coast rappers speak of radical politics and are aligned with the Nation of Islam. There are few things in the world that scare white people more than the Nation of Islam.) Once you’ve picked a song, at least one white person will begin to crip-walk. A circle will likely be formed around him or her. As you continue DJing, listen for a loud roar of comical approval from the crowd. That means the cripwalking white person has just ironically thrown a gang sign.

If you find yourself dancing with a poorly-practiced white partner, the best thing to do is to dramatically lower your own standards of rhythm and movement. As we know (and this is a recurring theme), white people do not like being shamed in front of their friends. Doing so will decimate their standing in the power structure amongst their friends. They will have to rebuild from the ground up in order to piece together literally years of work. All your hard work will be undone as well, as the possibility of favors will be lost forever.

This post was written by Gary Edwards. Unlike Sarah Palin, he knows what the Bush Doctrine is. As you can see, he believes wholeheartedly in it.

Strictly Bush Dancing

November 12, 2008

He may go down in history as one of the worst presidents in our history, he may have a lower approval rating than Nixon during Watergate, he may be responsible for well over 100,000 dead human beings, he may have single handedly wiped away many of our cherished rights and freedoms, but he’s got moves!