Passages from How to Cook Everything

November 13, 2008

GHB is a group with many talents.  One such talent is in the field of the culinary arts.  One of our favorite foods to make is guacamole.  To find a recipe we crack open none other than Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything.


Makes 2 to 4 servings

Time: 10 minutes

Among the most delicious dips there is, and just about the simplest.  Add one-half cup peeled, cored, seeded, and diced tomato only if the tomate is perfectly ripe.

1 Large or 2 small avcocado(s)

1 Tablespoon minced onion or shallot

1/4 teaspoon minced garlic (optional)

1 teaspoon stemmed, seeded, and minced jalapeno or other fresh chile, or 1 teaspoon chili poweder, or to taste

Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

1 Tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon or line juice, or to taste

Minced cilantro leaves for garnish

1. Cut the avocado(s) in half and reserve the pit(s) if you will not beserving the guacamole right away.  Mash the pulp in a bowl with a fork or potato masher, along with the onion or shallot, garlic (if you are using it (which you should!)), chile or shili powder, a little salt and pepper, and 1 tablespoon of lemor or lime juice.  Taste and adjust seasoning as necessary.

2. Garnish and serve, or tuck the pit(s) back into the mixture, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for up to 4 hours (this will keep the guacamole from turning brown).  Remove the pit(s) before garnishing and serving.



Crazy Leap

November 13, 2008

I made this video Junior year. I should have used it as my audition video for Tisch but clearly I didn’t need it.


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A portrait of Dorian Gary

November 12, 2008

Here are some videos I made over the summer. Enjoy!


Stuff White People Like Pre-Emptive Strike #2

November 12, 2008

This is a follow-up to the first Stuff White People Like Pre-Emptive Strike. It seems they like so many things that not even their official scribe can document them all!


Similar to everything else that can be liked, white people love to dance. But they have their own special reasons for enjoying it.

Some white people dance because they enjoy it, but do not realize that they are terrible at it. These are the wrong kind of white people – you should avoid associating with them at all costs.

(NOTE: Although they are a symbol of high culture, and therefore, a prized commodity in the community, this post is not concerned with white people who are dance majors and professional dancers. They are fantastic at it, and they know it.)

We have learned over and over again that white people love to put themselves into situations where they cannot lose. For many white people, dancing is no different. With the way that popular stereotypes have fallen into place, dancing, for them, is always a win-win! If they are decent at it, they will win the respect of their friends. If they break mirrors and make babies cry, any moves they employ will be considered hilarious and ironic. (In some cases, even if a white person is good at dancing, they will present themselves as though they are not. This only heightens the irony of their skill. For example:

One of the funniest things any white person can learn to do is cripwalk. Should you find yourself DJing a party packed with cool white people, throw on a West Coast hip-hop song from 1990-1999. (To be safe, play only the most popular singles. Many West Coast rappers speak of radical politics and are aligned with the Nation of Islam. There are few things in the world that scare white people more than the Nation of Islam.) Once you’ve picked a song, at least one white person will begin to crip-walk. A circle will likely be formed around him or her. As you continue DJing, listen for a loud roar of comical approval from the crowd. That means the cripwalking white person has just ironically thrown a gang sign.

If you find yourself dancing with a poorly-practiced white partner, the best thing to do is to dramatically lower your own standards of rhythm and movement. As we know (and this is a recurring theme), white people do not like being shamed in front of their friends. Doing so will decimate their standing in the power structure amongst their friends. They will have to rebuild from the ground up in order to piece together literally years of work. All your hard work will be undone as well, as the possibility of favors will be lost forever.

This post was written by Gary Edwards. Unlike Sarah Palin, he knows what the Bush Doctrine is. As you can see, he believes wholeheartedly in it.

Strictly Bush Dancing

November 12, 2008

He may go down in history as one of the worst presidents in our history, he may have a lower approval rating than Nixon during Watergate, he may be responsible for well over 100,000 dead human beings, he may have single handedly wiped away many of our cherished rights and freedoms, but he’s got moves!


Has This Ever Happened To You?

November 12, 2008

Stuff White People Like Pre-Emptive Strike #1

November 12, 2008

In this series, I will attempt to read Christian Lander’s mind and post a category before he himself does. Bizarre! you say. Dear reader, I say, it has already happened. Over the summer, the SWPL Blog had a contest. Each contestant in said contest sent in his or her pathetic SWPL entry. Five winners would be posted. I wrote a post about why white people love to DJ. Everyone knows all white people believe they have excellent and unique tastes in music. That they believe they’d make excellent DJs is a logical conclusion. Lo and behold, my submission was rejected! Why, I wondered, when mine was far superior to the mountains of anal leakage and bile the site had posted and labeled as “winners”? Turns out DJing was an entry in the Stuff White People Like book that came out over the summer. So, here we go. I feel this entry has been a long time coming on the real Stuff White People Like…

Drug Trip Stories

Count the number of white people you know. Now count the number of cool white people you know. Now count the number of cool white people you know in college. Every one of these white persons have used drugs in the past week.

Like everyone else, white people enjoy drugs for the high. Unlike everyone else, the story surrounding the acquisition, use, and all activities done while are far more important.

In high school, telling stories about weed will suffice, But college-age white people at liberal arts universities will have at least experimented with acid, salvia, mushrooms, pills, and for the advanced, cocaine. Crack may be used ironically. (NOTE: DO NOT assume that they do crystal meth. Midwesterners – the wrong kind of white peeople – use crystal meth.)

When discussing your drug experiencess with a white person, always begin by explicating your relationship with your dealer. Gloss over its general disposition, living quarters, speech patterns, where it gets its product from, its personal hygene, and the procedure of the transaction. Be sure to include all humorous details. Only include humorous details. Sad stories will only ground your white friends in reality and make them sad.

Make sure to mention the strain of whatever drug(s) your trip story revolves around. As we all know (, white people love to classify things, even when they don’t need to be classified.

Mention what music you listened to while high. All white people consider music the most important thing in their lives, and impressing them with your taste in music will multiply whatever favorable opinion they already have of you (you do drugs, remember?) upon itself. You could mention your favorite rock band, but there is always a white person who knows more about them than you. To be safe, select The Notorious B.I.G., Girl Talk, 2Pac,  or Dr. Dre. They are universally lauded in white circles. No further questions will be asked.

Most importantly, NEVER upstage a white person’s drug trip story. They do not like being publicly shamed.

EDIT: Recent President Elect Barack Obama admits that he used drugs in high school and college. While the same fact embarassed Bush, it only increased the Obama Myth. Now that he won the election, go find a white person whom you always thought did cocaine but never bothered to ask. Chances are, they will tell you that they do within five minutes of conversation.

Fat Kids

November 12, 2008

Roastbeefy really should watch his weight.

Prop 8

November 12, 2008

Olbermann, for the most part, is right, but gay men do not need the California state government to give them “love,” “happiness,” or “permanence.” What they do need is access to the bounty of rights that legally married straight couples get ( and everyone else is categorically denied. As long as these privileges hinge on the term marriage, and as long as the word marriage is pinned into a very specific heterosexual corner, these rights will be held out of reach of at least some of the people who may want them. Power must be taken from the word marriage, it is a religious hurdle America is not currently equipped to clear. Remove the spiritual terms from the legal. We need a new system. And if people figure out how to take advantage of it, more power to them.

Don’t legalize gay marriage. Outlaw straight marriage.

Obama is Beautiful World!!

November 12, 2008

Just about a week ago our country took a giant step forward in electing Barack Obama as our 44th president. Although the celebrations here in the states have seemed to mellow over the passing week, it’s nice to see the rest of the world is just as enthusiastic about our decision. I found this video on and felt the need to share it. What better way to celebrate Obama than with a joyful Japanese pop song!

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